The area covered by those labeled as the Tech, Computer Guy, or Gal are vast. Some of us play with lights on a stage, others fiddle with audio behind a curtain. Still others of us fix machines. But more often than not its easier to say I’m the Computer guy to friends and family when they ask what you do. Below you will find the rolls I have seen Techs filling, feel free to add whatever you want at the bottom via comment, it might spark something.
These are all meant to be funny,m and shouldn’t be taken to heart, either by the people who are these techs, or those who call on them for help.
Scroll through the Tech Types see which one fits!
I am an Island Tech: No it doesn’t mean that I get to play tech support or help desk on an exotic island. But rather that my particular job is a man on the street of the tech community. I work in a larger organization but I am surrounded by the people I support. I have an office, although some of my people are nomadic. We tend to be independent minded, try to find a tech who isn’t though, and more often than not find ourselves supporting anything with electricity. its a rewarding position in that you always feel needed. But at times it can be a trying existence because everyone you see is a potential question waiting to happen. Avast there, ye be entering troubled waters. It gets lonely on the island.
I am a Team Tech: I am one of a group of of people who are supposed to support a particular area or discipline. We tend to travel in packs during the off hours. With a team of people to rely on for answers it is more possible to find a specialty within tech that you excel at, Printer People, AV Guys, Server gals. More often than not you will find us in the smallest office as far away from sunlight as possible, not because we like the dark, because we do, but rather that was the smallest office the Administration could give the support people without making them carry a broom as well. We stick together and will always show up ready for any free lunch being offered, Although that probably goes for ANY tech.
I am a Help Desk Tech: I am one of the Many, the proud. We are the shock troops of the tech world. We see questions daily that would make your soul hurt. Cup Holders and Any Keys are just the beginning. I I know the depths of a man’s mistakes and i feel for the next generation of tech to come after me. We tend to resemble the Team Tech in our pack hunting mentality after hours and during lunch. Faced with the sheer volume of requests we rely on those in specialized departments to field the more in depth calls. Have you rebooted yet? No then please do so!
I am the AV Tech: I am the one you call when your presentation won’t work because you have a 15 year old copy of PowerPoint at home. We live in a hive and tend to send the drones out to handle the calls. More often than not, it is your fault, we are sorry to report. The help desk techs might see the absolute bottom of the barrel from time to time. We are sent to meet people on their turf, in front of an audience, who the lecturer tends to turn to and shrug blaming the machine for the problems. The roadies of the tech world we scuttle in trying to make a small of an impression as possible fix the issue, get you up and running and move on. We, like the Island Tech, tend to be nomadic, moving from call to call putting out fires.
I am the Stage Tech: If all life is but a stage I make it run, from audio to lights to cameras its nothing but action in my world. When things go wrong it gets very bad very quickly. So we try to make that not happen. Find the tiniest closet next to the stage and that is probably where you will find us, or on catwalk high above. Trust us practice does make perfect, if we ask you to go over something again its not because we like to do it, its because it has to be perfect. If you don’t see us then we are doing our job.
I am the Printer Tech: Documents output is Fun! And unfortunately for these techs it can also be messy. When people produce content they very rarely leave enough time to properly prepare their work to print out. These laser burnt offerings are due on the desk of the supervisor, professor or teacher about 10 minutes before you call us. Stupid printers often have been fed bad files, you;’d be stupid too if all people fed you was junk. I can field strip a laser printer in 3 minutes and find the jammed transparency and realize with a sad sigh that it will probably end up right back there in about 20 minutes. The larger the printer the bigger the issue we see. Wide format printing brings out the specialty Techs and the heavy iron, usually to pry the paper out of the internal workings of the printer.
I am the Server Tech: I run the email, I run the web, the internet might be broken but you better pray to whatever god you believe in before you ask me to fix it. I am on the front line of providing services, I get the pages and the emails that you can’t check your email on Christmas morning with your new blackberry, and I try to spring to action. Uptime is where i live. If things are going well i am vapor, a mystical oz behind announcement emails. Just because I might look sedate and calm doesn’t mean that I am. hackers isn’t a movie to me, I know them, respect their abilities and will try with my last breath to thwart their advances. to paraphrase a quote from good old Jack Nicholson “I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it” It might sound harsh but its true
I am the Manager Tech: I have spent years in the trenches of the Tech Wars, I have seen things that would make your blood run cold. However i run an organization of techs, who i send into battle like knights on a chessboard. I realize that there are responsibilities beyond the tech community and I attend the meetings so my techs won’t have to. I find a way to translate their odd ways and explain behavior to those who are not our people. I also reign in the more recalcitrant techs out there, i find what level of freedom best suites the work you do and try my best to provide it. By the by your going to have to come in on Saturday.
I Am Root: You do not need to find me, I simply AM. If your support call gets to me something better be on fire, people better be running screaming from a robot or the server had better have become sentient. I have spent my time in the trenches, I have earned my position in the darkest corner of the building. I dislike people bothering me with quibbles and nonsense. In meetings I’m probably planning how to drop your mail quota if you ask me anything else. I do not stay in the dark because i was put there, but rather because the harsh light of your sun burns my skin.
I love what i do for a living but it gives me a bit too much time to think sometimes. Time that my addled brain finds the need to fill with nonsense thoughts, although some of them quickly need to be scribbled down on a piece of napkin and saved for later.That is how this piece was born.
So what type of tech are you? Have I missed anything? Am I off base?
No matter which type of tech you are realize that the enemny isn’t the person standing in front of you, but rather their problem. Sometimes we get a bit caught up in trying to blame the people and miss an oppertunity to give them a bit of knowlege…
Of course… sometimes it IS their fault ;)